Self-discovery is more than just understanding who you are; it’s about learning to live in alignment with your own values in order to be true to yourself.
In a world that constantly pressures you to conform to others' expectations, Taylor Swift’s song “You’re On Your Own, Kid” from her *Midnights* album is a call to action to be true to yourself as the first step in living an authentic life.
This is part of a series that uses the lyrics of Taylor Swift as a guide for some of life's messiest moments. One of the beautiful aspects of art is that you can interpret it to find a variety of meanings depending on where you are in your life.
From a young age, you’re often taught to meet the expectations of others, whether that's your parents, teachers, friends, or society at large. These expectations can shape your choices, influencing how you show up in and engage with the world.
Self-discovery begins with peeling back the layers of who you’ve been told to be and finding the core of who you really are. Your values are the guiding principles that reflect your beliefs, priorities, and what you stand for and they may or may not mirror the values of those around you.
"I looked around in a blood-soaked gown
And I saw something they can’t take away
‘Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned
Everything you lose is a step you take"
Even if you have the same values as others, in practice they may be different for you than for someone else because your experiences, feelings, and sense of self in the world has shaped them to be uniquely yours. Here's an exercise that can help you identify your core values:
Step 1: Reflect on a peak experience
- Think about a moment in your life when you felt really fulfilled, proud, or at peace. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made this experience meaningful to you?
- Write down the key elements of that experience. What values were being honored in that moment (e.g. connection, creativity, integrity)?
Step 2: Consider what triggers you
- Reflect on situations where you felt upset, frustrated, or disappointed. What was happening? What was being violated?
- Identify the values that were compromised or disregarded in those moments (e.g. respect, fairness, honesty).
Step 3: Identify recurring themes
- Review the experiences from Steps 1 and 2. Are there any recurring themes or values that show up in both your peak experiences and your triggers?
- Make a list of these values, because they probably represent what’s most important to you.
Step 4: Prioritize your values
- From your list, choose the top 3 values that resonate the most with you. These are your current core values (yes, they can evolve over time!).
- Consider how these values show up in your daily life and whether there are areas where you could align your actions more closely with them.
Step 5: Set an intention
- Choose one core value to focus on for the next week. How can you honor this value in small ways through your daily decisions and interactions?
- Reflect at the end of the week on how living according to this value has impacted your sense of fulfillment and authenticity.
Living your values is about building on that momentum, going from those small daily steps and growing into large life decisions. Whether it’s choosing a career that aligns with your passions, making decisions that prioritize your well-being, or setting boundaries in relationships, living in alignment with your values often requires the courage to believe in yourself when the world around you pushes back.
"So make the friendship bracelets
Take the moment and taste it
You've got no reason to be afraid
You're on your own, kid
Yeah, you can face this" And yes, it can feel scary to be unapologetically yourself, especially in this world of divisive, opinionated rhetoric, with so many emboldened by the internet's anonymity to make blood sport out of bullying others. Living authentically isn't easy, but it is deeply rewarding and can help you become more resilient in the face of challenges knowing that your decisions are rooted in what truly matters to you.
“You’re On Your Own, Kid” is a celebration of self-discovery and authenticity. It’s a call to embrace who you are, to trust that your values are worth defending, and to live a life that reflects your true self.
What values are most important to you? How can you live more authentically in alignment with those values? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let’s support each other in the journey toward living an authentic life.
Lyrics by Taylor Swift. “You're on Your Own, Kid.” Midnights, Republic Records, 2022.
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